Why We Need a More Nuanced Conversation About Post-Partum Sex

“Give him a hand job.”

That is the advice given to post-partum women in books like Sheet Music by Kevin Leman:

There are times for whatever reason that a wife may choose to make use of… ‘hand jobs’. A woman…who has just gotten through a pregnancy…may genuinely feel that sex is more than she can handle. But with a minimum of effort, she can help her husband who feels like he’s about ready to climb the walls because it’s been so long.

Kevin Leman, “Sheet Music”

When I read that quote several years ago before getting married, I thought that sounded like a good compromise. A married man cannot be expected to go weeks without sex, right? That opens the door to temptation. Surely a hand job is a conciliatory act to tide him over until his wife can have sex again.

Fast forward to 2018 when my husband and I had our first child…


Read my full article published on June 11, 2021 on Sheila Wray Gregoire’s blog, To Love, Honor, and Vacuum!


Read my other article published on Sheila’s blog:

My other articles about sexuality:

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