The Enneagram and Marriage: Book Review of “Becoming Us”

Becoming Us by Beth & Jeff McCord
4 out of 5 stars
Available at Amazon

I received an advance reader copy of the book and couldn’t have been more excited! I had already pre-ordered my copy, as I’ve become a follower of Beth on her website Your Enneagram Coach. I’ve listened to her on podcasts, taken her tests and read her material on her website. I really appreciate her affirming, Gospel perspective on the enneagram.

Becoming Us is the only book I know of that is specifically about marriage and the enneagram. My husband and I already know our types, but Part 2 of the book, which describes each type in a succinct but detailed way, helped us further understand the differences in our communication style. I also plan to use this section to understand friends, family, and co-workers better.

In Part 1, the McCords share some of their marriage journey and principles for improving communication in marriage. They use the metaphor of a “rumbling strip” on the highway, which alerts you when you’re veering out of your lane. In the same way, knowing the enneagram helps you be aware of when you’re becoming reactive or acting out of childhood wounds. The childhood wounds chapter was very helpful to understand how you interpret messages in your childhood through the lens of your type.

I do wish there had been more about “the dance” of conflict in marriage and perhaps less personal stories and more practical strategies to improve your marriage. I appreciate the McCords assertion that the enneagram provides the information, but the Gospel is what brings the transformation. I also like their emphasis on knowing and understanding yourself and your spouse, but not trying to change your spouse. At the same time, I would have liked more practical advice or more description on how each type pair interacts and maybe some of the strengths and struggles of each type pairing.

I reserve 5-star reviews for books that are truly life changing or formational in my beliefs. While I wouldn’t go so far to put Becoming Us in this category, I am grateful for the McCords and the wisdom they share about the enneagram and marriage. I believe this book will help others know themselves and their spouse better on their journey of “Becoming Us”.

3 thoughts on “The Enneagram and Marriage: Book Review of “Becoming Us”

  1. Thanks for sharing! I’ve seen this book floating around on social media and hadn’t thought to take a second look. Sounds amazinng!

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